Yuletide bloggings

I cannot believe that I am about to start the last week of my first term in university. Everyone, absolutely everyone, said "The first term will fly by" and "It'll be christmas before you know it". So many people said this to me that it almost became cliché and I didn't quite believe it. And the first month, as eventful as it was, actually passed by relatively slowly so I began to believe it even less. Not that this mattered. I've been having far too much fun exploring my writing, meeting amazing new people and -most importantly- drinking to even think about christmas. Until recently......

A taste of home
In my last blog I bragged about the people coming to see me in the next couple of weeks. While my friend couldn't make it, 2/3 wasn't bad and it started with a week-long visit from my boyfriend. I was jiggly with excitement at seeing him, and it was the most amazing week ever. We went christmas shopping, went out for food, lay around watching films and generally messed around. It was the exact pick-me-up I needed. For all this uni and home have been separated. It's almost like I have two lives (I know, very 007 of me) and when Sam came to visit me those two lives were merged, and it was very strange indeed. When he went home I had to blink back the tears as he said "see you at christmas." All of a sudden it would go from being in one another's pockets every day for a week to the usual 30 minute face times a day. Christmas was so far away....
The ensuing week was filled with homesickness. It's a weird feeling to be so busy all the time, yet finding yourself moping around. Luckily i still had one more visit to look forward to and that was from my amazing mum. Even though we speak on the phone (the 4 hour phone call will not look good on my bill this month) I have missed the endless gossip and goings-on of my family life. Because it's so close to christmas my mum has been getting the house ready for our visitors and it's strange to not be a part of that. It's the first year I've had to text my christmas list home to my dad rather than sit on his sofa writing it whilst watching the TV, and it's the first year that I wasn't involved in the putting up of the decorations, and it feels weird. It will be so nice to go home at the end of the week and spend 3 whole weeks with everyone I love.

The other family
With all this going on what would I do without my uni family? I dread to think what i will be like over christmas, going 3 weeks without seeing them! I need my drunken nights out, the very loud and eventful pre-drinks, the hungover debate of 'shall we go into uni?" and the 'You will never guess what he's done now!?!" chats. Thank god for FaceTime.
Whenever I have felt homesick or just general low over the last 3 months, it's been these girls that have successfully managed to pick me up again and my uni experience would have been very bland without them!

The reason I'm actually here
Oh yeah, the course! Well, I love it more every single week. It still never fails to amaze me how far I can be pushed creatively, and I love my seminar group as we all share our work and offer feedback on everyone else's. The english part of my degree (rather than the creative writing side) is equally as challenging though. It's really hit me in the lat month or so just how different university level is to A-Levels. We are learning for the sake of educating ourselves further, not to pass an exam, and it's such a refreshing way to learn. I've even found myself going out and voluntarily buying books for further reading because i find it so interesting. I don't know whether I would be able to handle university if I hated the course- it's my love of english that gets me out of bed in the mornings after all.

Home sweet home

So this weekend was my first weekend back home since i moved to university. I pretty much spent the entirety of last week counting down the days, and then the hours, until i was back in "The Diff" for the weekend. I'm so lucky that i have an early finish on a Friday and a lecture at 2pm on Monday so i can make the most of my weekends when i do go home.

Family Time
It was the best feeling in the world to be able to come home to everyone. I started the journey trying incredibly hard not to throw up due to the monstrous hangover I had acquired. But towards the end of the train journey I was on the edge of my seat waiting to pull into Cardiff Central. It was so hard to try and fit everyone in in one small weekend, and fitting everything and everyone in meant that I wasn't able to spend as much time as I would have liked with some people. There was nothing better, though, than sitting in the kitchen sipping on a glass of wine chatting to my mum whilst she was cooking dinner. It was the most amazing feeling, and i soon felt as though i had never been away.

The come down
This morning I was on the train by 8.50 and had my laptop in front of me and the next part of my reading list to be tackled and I felt as though I had come back down to earth with a crash. It was horrible saying goodbye to my boyfriend having had such an amazing weekend together, and the prospect of a 2 hour seminar when I got back to Manchester was not helping my mood. Usually I would be excited to be getting back into the lectures on a Monday, but this morning was a struggle to say the least. What got me through it though was the thought of being able to see everyone again in the next few weeks. Before I came to uni I had no idea how hard or easy it would be to go so long without seeing all my friends and family, and I told myself that I wouldn't be down all the time- but since then I have decided that to go home, or to at least have people coming to visit me, every 3 weeks is achievable and definitely the best way to stay sane. Any longer than that and I will just become miserable, so why put myself through it?

Happy Anniversary
The initial reason for coming down this weekend in particular was for a family christening- it wasn't until later that i realised it just so happened to fall on my boyfriend and I's one year anniversary, which made the weekend that bit more special. I was treated to a very nice meal in Cardiff Bay on Friday night. It made me realise just how special our relationship is. I miss him like made when I'm here in Manchester, but the time we do have together is then so much  more appreciated by both of us that it almost makes it seem worth while. Im lucky to have such a supportive person by my side. (okay, slushy part over now- I'm sorry)

One big hangover
Okay so besides my lovely weekend, what else has been going on with me? Well.... I have practically spent the last 2 weeks either drunk or hungover, and it has taken its toll on me massively. I have sent the last week, coughing, sneezing, spluttering and croaking my way through the day and then drinking too much to think about it in the nights, and my body is now screaming at me to stop. Perhaps now is a good time to make use of the milk thistle tablets my mum strategically gave me before I moved. I'm sorry liver, the worst is over....

Hi Ho, Hi Ho
I can no longer get away from the fact that I need to get myself a job. I spend so much time moaning that I have no money and I'm bored on the weekends, both of which problems could easily be resolved with a little part time thing. So its time to face the music and get myself sorted out. I'm not living in dream world anymore, and student finance is not the answer to all my questions.(apparently).

Getting into the swing of things

I can't quite believe its Thursday already, meaning I have nearly been here for two full weeks! And what an adventure it has been already. with Freshers out of the way I have been looking forward to 'getting stuck in' in terms of the uni work, and having just had a particularly inspiring lesson on creative pros, I am feeling upbeat and confident about my decision to move here.

Why Manchester?
I have been asked countless times since moving here 'so why did you decide to go to manchester then?" and I've mostly just shrugged and mumbled something about the course being good here. I don't actually think I realised the reason until today. Creative writing is such a personalised thing that I don't like to share my experiences with people really (I'm sure this will change during the course) but I always knew that if I did it as a course in university it would have to be in the right place. I visited countless open days and in the end it was between Swansea and Manchester. Swansea had it all, a supposed amazing nightlife, a vibrant student community and amazing scenery to inspire my creativity. It was lovely, but it didn't have that extra spark that Manchester instantly had. I fell in love with Manchester practically as soon as i got here for an open day, and when I visited for  second time I loved it even more. It is an incredible city and has the feeling that you can be who you want to be and do what you want to do. I haven't experienced that with any other university, and I'm lucky to have found that. During my 'structure and story' lesson today this was reinstated. I'm in the best place possible for the best degree possible for me. It reminded me of why I moved 200 miles away from all my friends and family

Finances
Moving away is such a daunting experience in more ways than one and I have to say that I didn't consider all of these factors before I moved. Its scary to me that all of a sudden I have become responsible for my own finances and budgeting, and it was definitely something i didn't prepare for. My student loan has been delayed for a few weeks which has stressed me out, but having organised myself, and knowing what i need to do next in order to solve the issue, I am feeling a lot more comfortable. All of a sudden i feel a lot more grown up, and i had a bit of a 'moment' earlier when i wondered whether i was capable of handling all of this on my own. What i have to remember is that everyone is in the same boat, and i can get through it.

A flying visit
Monday was my boyfriends birthday, and since he spoilt me so much when it was my birthday in July, I felt inexplicably bad for being in Manchester on his birthday. I felt so bad in fact that on Sunday morning I decided I couldn't handle the guilt anymore and I booked a last minute train ticket from manchester to Cardiff. I timed it so that i could leave after my last lecture on monday and be home before my first on tuesday. It meant that I got to see him on his birthday, but also meant that I was only there for the evening and night. It was totally worth the long train journeys in order to see the look on Sam's face when I just wandered into his room. Since I've been back though I have realised just how much I miss him. Last night I hit a wall, and a flood of panic came over me. I asked myself whether I could really manage to be so far away from him for such a long time, but what it has also made me realise is that he is incredibly supportive, and the time we do have together is so much more special to us. Undeniably it is hard, but life always has a way of working out, and I have nothing but good feelings about this one in particular. Distance, it seems, does make the heart grow fonder.

My other love
I dread to see my phone bill, as since i moved here i have practically not gone a day when i haven't spoken to my best friend charlotte on the phone, and it is aways the highlight of my day. i love to hear about the latest dramas going on back home, and it says something that we can be 200 miles away from one another and still make each other smile just the same. Not a day goes by when i don't miss her, or when i don't automatically pick my phone up to ask her if she wants a coffee, before realising that she's not here. I'm counting down the days until i see her again, along with all my other friends and family of course!!

Week 1: Freshers Flu

I'm just over halfway through my first week in Manchester, and I'm bed ridden with a cold. I have gone out every night this week already, and it seems that freshers flu has come around a little early for me. Keen to see the bright side in every situation, however, it has given me the opportunity to reflect on what has happened so far.

The power of social networking

Making friends is always everyones first worry when it comes to university, and Facebook helps this concern out massively. The university english department set up a Facebook page for all first years to join and ask any questions that they had. This made it a lot easier to be able to see the the of people that were on my course, and get to know some people before I even got there. I noticed that one girl had said that she felt like she was already behind on the reading list, which made me feel a lot better because I felt exactly the same. I added her and we got chatting about the course and the reading list, and we became friends almost instantly. We arranged for us to both go out on the first night, which we did, and it really broke the ice. It meant that we both had someone to go to the welcome lecture with on the monday morning, and it set my mind at ease.

Great Expectations

Having said my rather emotional goodbyes with everybody, and with the car packed to burst it was time to start my journey- literally and figuratively. Having spent almost 4 hours in the car, by the time I got to Manchester I was a ball of nerves (and busting for the loo). There was a mis-hap with my accommodation and rather than being in the commercialised, university halls I had to go into private halls, which means I share a flat with 2nd, 3rd and postgrad students. I was definitely worried about this, but I figured that U would just venture into another flat to find fellow first years. 

However, as soon as I got here it became apparent that this would be harder than anticipated. These private halls are a million miles away from what I expected, and everyone seems to keep themself to themselves. The girls in my flat are really nice- well the ones that I have met are! They hardly come out of their rooms, though and so it is hard, near impossible, to socialise with them. Whilst dis-heartening, I wasn't too worried because I figured I would meet so many other people in uni that I could just go out with them. So, tired but excited to start uni, on the monday morning me and Hannah (Facebook friend) went in to meet the rest of the people on the course. I don't really know what I was expecting, perhaps that I would walk into a room and people would surround me and that we would instantly be best friends, but the reality was incredibly sobering. I struggled my way through 4 or so hours of lectures, personal tutor groups and a bit of waiting around before I returned to my flat and sobbed. I hadn't met many people, and those I had met either didn't want to go out much or had their own group of friends (i.e their flatmates) to go out with. I felt completely alone, and that I had just made the biggest mistake of my life. After a motivational talk from my mum 'keep smiling, and go for a walk' I decided that it wasn't the end of the world. It was, after all, only my first full day in Manchester. I think it was the prospect of spending the night alone in my room that made me so upset, and the thought that this was what it would be like. However, shortly after getting off the phone to my mum, a girl who i had met earlier that day text me asking me if i wanted to go out with her and her flatmates. I did, of course, take her up on that offer. We went to a gig, which i thought would be really busy and full of freshers but it turned out to be rather empty, and not a freshers event at all. I was tired, over emotional and out of my comfort zone, so I called it a night and decided that tomorrow was a new day.

Moving on up 

The next morning I made the effort to put on my best smile and force myself to be confident, chatty and inquisitive. For people in the uni halls they made friends naturally, my situation meant that I would have to be more pro-active about it. Now I've been out every night of this week and have been shopping in the city centre with new friends (i have also already opted out of a planned welcome session for my course to go and get drunk in the pub with Hannah). I'm glad to say that although it was a bad start, the best is yet to come for sure. 

Putting my relationship to the test

Moving nearly 200 miles away is hard enough, but it's made that bit harder when I have a boyfriend to think about. being a writer is my ultimate dream, and Manchester is the best place for this to happen. Sacrifices have to be made, and not being able to see my boyfriend every day is one of them. By far, saying goodbye to him was the hardest thing to have to do, but I know that he supports me in what i'm doing, and has done everything he can to help me so far. Already i have doubted whether I am doing the right thing, but only time will tell.