I have a headache, I'm hungry but on a diet and things are just a little bleuh. I need a cuddle and a roast.
Sunday, 22 March 2015
Sunday Blues
Today is my last proper Sunday in uni of this semester, and this year in university. On Friday I, going home for Easter, and after that I'm only coming back for my exams. I have to say I'm glad. Not that university is coming to an end, not by any stretch, but I'm glad that I don't have to bare another Sunday here. There's something about the day that just seems to drag on. I want to be at home cuddled up on the sofa with a coffee waiting for my roast. Instead I'm wasting away my day on Netflix and putting off the work that just won't go away.
Monday, 16 March 2015
General goings on of Lucy Land
Mothers Day with the family
First things first, over the weekend I celebrated Mother's Day with my one and only, and my brother and I cooked a roast as she does for us most Sundays. It made me realise how much I appreciate her, and how much she does for us. Since moving to university, I have noticed little things i do that i have acquired from her. Some girls hate the thought of turning into their mum, but their are certain traits that I'm glad my mum has passed on to me.
Deadlines Deadlines Deadlines
Back to university today though, and it has hit me like a tonne of bricks that there are just 2 teaching weeks left of this year in university....where the hell has the time gone? It's scaring me a little bit though because it's just a reminder of my looming deadlines. Essays, prose pieces, poetry, reflective journals- you name it I have to do it. There is nothing more stressful than realising that everything I write in the next month or so is going to determine my end of year grade. Having said that, I am in a much better place than this time last year, as TimeHop reminds me, with the year long battle that was my A-Levels. It makes me realise that all the hard work and effort pays off in the end.
Writers Block
I accepted a long time ago the fact that writers block will always creep up on me for the rest of my life. I know that it is entirely psychological, and I work myself up to believe that I can't write anything worth publishing, or even handing in as a draft. The thought of my tutor reading my work amongst other people's makes me think she's just going to laugh about how amateur it is compared to everyone else's. But sometimes all i need to do is go and have a cup of tea, come back and start afresh. This battle with self doubt and realistic approaches is something that every writer entails, and I'm going to have to find ways to overcome the battle if i have any chance of meeting deadlines. I think my main problem is that I know that I am a good writer, and when that doesn't always come across in my work i get frustrated, and worry that I've 'lost my spark' so to speak. My whole degree is counting on me producing a half decent piece of work, and the pressure can sometimes be a little too much to handle.
First things first, over the weekend I celebrated Mother's Day with my one and only, and my brother and I cooked a roast as she does for us most Sundays. It made me realise how much I appreciate her, and how much she does for us. Since moving to university, I have noticed little things i do that i have acquired from her. Some girls hate the thought of turning into their mum, but their are certain traits that I'm glad my mum has passed on to me.
Deadlines Deadlines Deadlines
Back to university today though, and it has hit me like a tonne of bricks that there are just 2 teaching weeks left of this year in university....where the hell has the time gone? It's scaring me a little bit though because it's just a reminder of my looming deadlines. Essays, prose pieces, poetry, reflective journals- you name it I have to do it. There is nothing more stressful than realising that everything I write in the next month or so is going to determine my end of year grade. Having said that, I am in a much better place than this time last year, as TimeHop reminds me, with the year long battle that was my A-Levels. It makes me realise that all the hard work and effort pays off in the end.
Writers Block
I accepted a long time ago the fact that writers block will always creep up on me for the rest of my life. I know that it is entirely psychological, and I work myself up to believe that I can't write anything worth publishing, or even handing in as a draft. The thought of my tutor reading my work amongst other people's makes me think she's just going to laugh about how amateur it is compared to everyone else's. But sometimes all i need to do is go and have a cup of tea, come back and start afresh. This battle with self doubt and realistic approaches is something that every writer entails, and I'm going to have to find ways to overcome the battle if i have any chance of meeting deadlines. I think my main problem is that I know that I am a good writer, and when that doesn't always come across in my work i get frustrated, and worry that I've 'lost my spark' so to speak. My whole degree is counting on me producing a half decent piece of work, and the pressure can sometimes be a little too much to handle.
Tuesday, 3 March 2015
Ramblings of an English student
I realise I haven’t blogged for a very long time, and for
this I can only apologise. It usually takes an overwhelming emotion of some
kind to get be back on my blogging horse, and this time is no different. I
spent ten days at home, returning back to good ole Manc on Monday, and to my
surprise there was more than a few tears.
An emotional goodbye
Having travelled up and down the country to see my family,
friends and boyfriend probably a dozen times since September, I thought I had
become pretty expert at saying goodbye to everyone. But instead, on Monday
morning, I found myself holding back the tears the whole way to Manchester and
eventually bursting as soon as my flat door shut, and crying for half an hour,
What was wrong with me? I should have been used to this by now, but for some
reason I was finding it especially hard this time. Perhaps it was because I had
had a lovely valentines with Sam, and a week full of family and bestie time
that it all became too much for me. And to be honest, the rest of the week want
much better.
A phone call home
All the girls were either going home for the weekend or were
doing other things, and the thought of having absolutely nothing to do was
enough to tip me over the edge- and I gave my mum a call to try and cheer myself
up. Luckily, my amazing mother had the solution to my problem- “get yourself on
a train, I’ll pay the fare.” As soon as she said this a smile broke out and
suddenly everything seemed a million times better. I got straight online and
booked a train for Saturday morning!
My Manc Family
On Thursday
after speaking to my mum I went to see the girls. Having already decided we
weren’t going to partake in the weekly tradition that is Factory Thurssday, I
turned up in a hoodie, not a scrap of makeup on and poufy hair.
“How you feeling- ready to go out?”
That was all the encouragement I needed, and within the hour
I was back at their flat, a very strong vodka and redbull in hand ready to go.
And this is the exact reason I love uni so much. There is always someone on hand to cheer you
up.
Writing
This term in particular I have noticed a massive development
in my writing. I am a lot more aware of
how I am writing, and how I can improve my work. My favourite thing about this
course is being able to ready other people’s work on our class forum, and share
my own work for feedback. It’s amazing to give someone a piece of work and have
some worthwhile feedback, other than ‘yeah, its great.”
Something that I haven’t quite got my head around is editing
my work. Don’t ask me why but I find this almost impossible. “But I like that
bit” can change pretty quickly to “It’s all shit. Delete it all” in an alarming
amount of time. Having said this, my course has actually reassured me that
editing is crucial. I guess I was sort of under the impression before I came to
uni that every piece of work just needed one draft, and perhaps maybe a few
spell checks. But being in uni has taught me that no writer, or in fact very
few, have produced a decent piece of work in one go. A few tweaks at the very
least is necessary before it’s good. And although the process of editing can be
terrifying, by no means does it mean that I am a crap writer. Hell, everyone
thinks they’re a crap writer sometimes.
The importance of
Friends
I may have said this in a previous blog but coming to
university has really made me realise who my actual friends are. Surprisingly,
it is exactly as I predicted before moving.
See, my oldest and closest friend has stayed exactly that.
Not a day goes by when we don’t speak to each other, and we still somehow know
each others every move. Our 3 hour phone calls make my day, and whenever I’m
upset she is the first person I speak to.
The friends that I don’t have to text every day to know that
they are there are truly special, too. In fact I have a friend (or hopefully
too, Jacob) coming to see me next week and I can’t wait for their first visit
to Manchester. It just goes to show that you don’t need to speak to or see
someone all the time to know that you still have a close friendship. And I know
that summer is going to be awesome with everyone back together.
Having said that, there are certain friends that I can go
weeks without seeing or speaking to them and it doesn’t have any impact on me,
It sounds harsh but some people can very easily slip between the cracks, and it
just goes to show the weakness of the friendship in the first place. There is
no point hanging on to people like this- if they’re meant to be in your life
they will be.
Saturday, 7 February 2015
A Year in the Making
Ah, good old Timehop! Scrolling through yesterday I saw my post from a year ago saying "I have officially received an offer from all the universities I applied for".
The very thought of Sixth Form and A-Levels makes my palms sweat, and a feeling of dread hits me in waves- but I can't help but think fondly of the excitement of singing in to UCAS and seeing the little 'Status Update Notification' message and wondering what it would be. I was on an open day in Swansea, having lunch in a little pub when I opened the email that had that exact same message. I only had one more offer to receive- Manchester. We had organised a day out in Manchester for the following day, and I hadn't yet received an offer from them. Waiting for the email to load, my hands were shaking. God, how terrible I would feel if I didn't receive an offer from them, with a day out arranged for the next day. But I skimmed through the message and saw 'we would like to offer you a place on the course in our university'.
"I did it!" I exclaimed. I don't know what I was most pleased about- the fact that my first choice uni had given me an offer, or that I received an offer from every single one I applied for. I was immensely proud of myself- even more so when I saw my mum beaming at me from across the pub table.
After that day though, all I felt was dread. I loved loved loved Manchester- no matter how hard I tried to find disadvantages of the uni and the city- but it was the furthest away from home, my family and my boyfriend. And besides, it was the highest grades so I might not even get in any way. Oh the nerves.
But, with a smile on my face here I am a year on. In bed, despite the fact that it's 2.50 in the afternoon, in my student accommodation in Manchester- excited to see said family, home and boyfriend at the weekend. Life is sometimes very, very kind. I feel like I have the best of both worlds up here.
The very thought of Sixth Form and A-Levels makes my palms sweat, and a feeling of dread hits me in waves- but I can't help but think fondly of the excitement of singing in to UCAS and seeing the little 'Status Update Notification' message and wondering what it would be. I was on an open day in Swansea, having lunch in a little pub when I opened the email that had that exact same message. I only had one more offer to receive- Manchester. We had organised a day out in Manchester for the following day, and I hadn't yet received an offer from them. Waiting for the email to load, my hands were shaking. God, how terrible I would feel if I didn't receive an offer from them, with a day out arranged for the next day. But I skimmed through the message and saw 'we would like to offer you a place on the course in our university'.
"I did it!" I exclaimed. I don't know what I was most pleased about- the fact that my first choice uni had given me an offer, or that I received an offer from every single one I applied for. I was immensely proud of myself- even more so when I saw my mum beaming at me from across the pub table.
After that day though, all I felt was dread. I loved loved loved Manchester- no matter how hard I tried to find disadvantages of the uni and the city- but it was the furthest away from home, my family and my boyfriend. And besides, it was the highest grades so I might not even get in any way. Oh the nerves.
But, with a smile on my face here I am a year on. In bed, despite the fact that it's 2.50 in the afternoon, in my student accommodation in Manchester- excited to see said family, home and boyfriend at the weekend. Life is sometimes very, very kind. I feel like I have the best of both worlds up here.
Monday, 26 January 2015
This one goes out to the one I love
So for some reason for the last two days I've come over all soppy, and am realising just how lucky I am to have the people that I have in my life. If I had to tot up the collective hours spent texting, face timing, and phoning my beautiful people back home (and dotted round the country in various unis) I would be dealing with a very large number (which scares me because maths is not my strong point, hello English degree). Thank god for free iMessage and FaceTime, and unlimited minutes ey!
If I was making a speech right now I would be raising a glass to my mum. God bless her, we argue till the cows come home when I'm back home, but even still I will always come to her for advice. We once spent a solid 4 and a half hours on the phone (ironically the same time as it takes me to get back to wales on the train) just talking about...well nothing of importance actually. I look forward to our phone calls each week, and her cute text in between always make me laugh. When I ring her with a problem, or just to rant, I know I can count on her to rant on my behalf and come with a beautiful solution to whatever the problem may be (sometimes it's just a case of adding garlic to my pasta sauce). She rocks my world and I want to be even just as half as fabulous as her when im a mother.
Next is my long suffering other half. He constantly has to deal with my moods, emotional melt downs and irrational rants despite him being 200 miles away- despite the grief I sometimes give him I don't know how I would cope without him. Our daily FaceTime and constant texting lighten my mood everyday second of the day. Being away has only made us stronger- and I'm so grateful to have such a loyal, trusting and patient other half. I look forward to our weekends and weeks together- I have a count down on my calendar ( 4 days til our next one).
Lastly (because I would be here for hours if I had to list everyone) is my main gal. Charl is the beautiful being that has the good fortune to be my bestie! She listens to my rants and rants with me. She calls me in tears and I drunkenly announce my undying love for her on a regular basis. Again, our ridiculously long phone calls are the highlight of my day- and our inside jokes,amazing memories and endless laughter is the product of 6 amazing years of friendship.
Not to mention the girls here in uni who make this whole thing worth it! I'm in a loving mood and I'm happy to have such amazing people in my life. If you're reading this, you're probably one of them, so thank you!
Saturday, 24 January 2015
Busy, busy bee
So I feel pretty bad about the fact that I've been back in Uni for 2 weeks and I have yet to post a single blog post. Oops. So what's been going on with me.... Everything, pretty much.
Housemates, welcome
So, possibly the most exciting news of all is that we have signed the tenancy agreement for our house next year. A whole week of some very...interesting house viewings and we finally found the one we all wanted. We saw the house on Monday but held off until new saw the ones we had booked to view on Thursday. But about half way into the houses on Thursday it was preeettttyyy clear that we wouldn't be taking any of them. I have seen some sights in rented house but these were just appalling. Dated and stained carpets, kitchens which were smaller than my wardrobe (not even joking) and mould ridden bathrooms drove us to cut short the viewings and go straight to the state agents from Monday and put our names done instantly. The deposit was much more than expected so it leaves me extremely short of money for the next few months but it's all totally worth it. Being in a house with the girls next year will be amazing!
We're all going on a summer holiday
January is aways the time when everyone feels miserable and instantly reaches for the first holiday brochure they can put their hands on...and I'm afraid I was one of them this year. After searching through website after website we found Lanzarote- and the most amazing looking hotel there. We go 4 days after my exam in May and I am just so excited!!
Back to reality
Practically as soon as i came back from my lovely christmas holiday I had 2 pieces of coursework to hand in within the space of 4 days, so I was pretty busy referencing, researching and more referencing. I'm not sure how I feel about the essays I wrote but I'm trying to tell myself that it's a learning curve, and whatever happens with my results I will see it as a way in which I can improve.
However as soon as I had handed the 2 pieces of coursework in (after celebrating of course) it soon hit me how much I missed Sam. Before I came back to Manchester I was pretty worried that my first few days here would be filled with misery after missing Sam. But it was actually delayed about a week. As soon as the reunions with the girls and the coursework were out the way I started to miss the little things that I had been used to for the 3 weeks I was home. But I realised that all it meant was that I just had to get used to being away from him again- and I think this week I have. It helps when I think about the next time we see each other, and plan to do nice things when we do. Its hard, but like I've always said, the time we have together makes up for the distance.
Kicking my own butt into action
Over the christmas holidays I promised myself that I would start to focus on my writing and reading a bit more. After the excitement of the first term I sort of neglected my writing- excluding the stuff i wrote for assignments- and I promised myself that this term would be different. However so far this term I haven't quite kept my promise. Next week will be different though. I will endeavour to devote some time to writing, and 'me time' a little bit more.
Housemates, welcome
So, possibly the most exciting news of all is that we have signed the tenancy agreement for our house next year. A whole week of some very...interesting house viewings and we finally found the one we all wanted. We saw the house on Monday but held off until new saw the ones we had booked to view on Thursday. But about half way into the houses on Thursday it was preeettttyyy clear that we wouldn't be taking any of them. I have seen some sights in rented house but these were just appalling. Dated and stained carpets, kitchens which were smaller than my wardrobe (not even joking) and mould ridden bathrooms drove us to cut short the viewings and go straight to the state agents from Monday and put our names done instantly. The deposit was much more than expected so it leaves me extremely short of money for the next few months but it's all totally worth it. Being in a house with the girls next year will be amazing!
We're all going on a summer holiday
January is aways the time when everyone feels miserable and instantly reaches for the first holiday brochure they can put their hands on...and I'm afraid I was one of them this year. After searching through website after website we found Lanzarote- and the most amazing looking hotel there. We go 4 days after my exam in May and I am just so excited!!
Back to reality
Practically as soon as i came back from my lovely christmas holiday I had 2 pieces of coursework to hand in within the space of 4 days, so I was pretty busy referencing, researching and more referencing. I'm not sure how I feel about the essays I wrote but I'm trying to tell myself that it's a learning curve, and whatever happens with my results I will see it as a way in which I can improve.
However as soon as I had handed the 2 pieces of coursework in (after celebrating of course) it soon hit me how much I missed Sam. Before I came back to Manchester I was pretty worried that my first few days here would be filled with misery after missing Sam. But it was actually delayed about a week. As soon as the reunions with the girls and the coursework were out the way I started to miss the little things that I had been used to for the 3 weeks I was home. But I realised that all it meant was that I just had to get used to being away from him again- and I think this week I have. It helps when I think about the next time we see each other, and plan to do nice things when we do. Its hard, but like I've always said, the time we have together makes up for the distance.
Kicking my own butt into action
Over the christmas holidays I promised myself that I would start to focus on my writing and reading a bit more. After the excitement of the first term I sort of neglected my writing- excluding the stuff i wrote for assignments- and I promised myself that this term would be different. However so far this term I haven't quite kept my promise. Next week will be different though. I will endeavour to devote some time to writing, and 'me time' a little bit more.
Saturday, 13 December 2014
Yuletide bloggings
I cannot believe that I am about to start the last week of my first term in university. Everyone, absolutely everyone, said "The first term will fly by" and "It'll be christmas before you know it". So many people said this to me that it almost became cliché and I didn't quite believe it. And the first month, as eventful as it was, actually passed by relatively slowly so I began to believe it even less. Not that this mattered. I've been having far too much fun exploring my writing, meeting amazing new people and -most importantly- drinking to even think about christmas. Until recently......
A taste of home
In my last blog I bragged about the people coming to see me in the next couple of weeks. While my friend couldn't make it, 2/3 wasn't bad and it started with a week-long visit from my boyfriend. I was jiggly with excitement at seeing him, and it was the most amazing week ever. We went christmas shopping, went out for food, lay around watching films and generally messed around. It was the exact pick-me-up I needed. For all this uni and home have been separated. It's almost like I have two lives (I know, very 007 of me) and when Sam came to visit me those two lives were merged, and it was very strange indeed. When he went home I had to blink back the tears as he said "see you at christmas." All of a sudden it would go from being in one another's pockets every day for a week to the usual 30 minute face times a day. Christmas was so far away....
The ensuing week was filled with homesickness. It's a weird feeling to be so busy all the time, yet finding yourself moping around. Luckily i still had one more visit to look forward to and that was from my amazing mum. Even though we speak on the phone (the 4 hour phone call will not look good on my bill this month) I have missed the endless gossip and goings-on of my family life. Because it's so close to christmas my mum has been getting the house ready for our visitors and it's strange to not be a part of that. It's the first year I've had to text my christmas list home to my dad rather than sit on his sofa writing it whilst watching the TV, and it's the first year that I wasn't involved in the putting up of the decorations, and it feels weird. It will be so nice to go home at the end of the week and spend 3 whole weeks with everyone I love.
The other family
With all this going on what would I do without my uni family? I dread to think what i will be like over christmas, going 3 weeks without seeing them! I need my drunken nights out, the very loud and eventful pre-drinks, the hungover debate of 'shall we go into uni?" and the 'You will never guess what he's done now!?!" chats. Thank god for FaceTime.
Whenever I have felt homesick or just general low over the last 3 months, it's been these girls that have successfully managed to pick me up again and my uni experience would have been very bland without them!
The reason I'm actually here
Oh yeah, the course! Well, I love it more every single week. It still never fails to amaze me how far I can be pushed creatively, and I love my seminar group as we all share our work and offer feedback on everyone else's. The english part of my degree (rather than the creative writing side) is equally as challenging though. It's really hit me in the lat month or so just how different university level is to A-Levels. We are learning for the sake of educating ourselves further, not to pass an exam, and it's such a refreshing way to learn. I've even found myself going out and voluntarily buying books for further reading because i find it so interesting. I don't know whether I would be able to handle university if I hated the course- it's my love of english that gets me out of bed in the mornings after all.
A taste of home
In my last blog I bragged about the people coming to see me in the next couple of weeks. While my friend couldn't make it, 2/3 wasn't bad and it started with a week-long visit from my boyfriend. I was jiggly with excitement at seeing him, and it was the most amazing week ever. We went christmas shopping, went out for food, lay around watching films and generally messed around. It was the exact pick-me-up I needed. For all this uni and home have been separated. It's almost like I have two lives (I know, very 007 of me) and when Sam came to visit me those two lives were merged, and it was very strange indeed. When he went home I had to blink back the tears as he said "see you at christmas." All of a sudden it would go from being in one another's pockets every day for a week to the usual 30 minute face times a day. Christmas was so far away....
The ensuing week was filled with homesickness. It's a weird feeling to be so busy all the time, yet finding yourself moping around. Luckily i still had one more visit to look forward to and that was from my amazing mum. Even though we speak on the phone (the 4 hour phone call will not look good on my bill this month) I have missed the endless gossip and goings-on of my family life. Because it's so close to christmas my mum has been getting the house ready for our visitors and it's strange to not be a part of that. It's the first year I've had to text my christmas list home to my dad rather than sit on his sofa writing it whilst watching the TV, and it's the first year that I wasn't involved in the putting up of the decorations, and it feels weird. It will be so nice to go home at the end of the week and spend 3 whole weeks with everyone I love.
The other family
With all this going on what would I do without my uni family? I dread to think what i will be like over christmas, going 3 weeks without seeing them! I need my drunken nights out, the very loud and eventful pre-drinks, the hungover debate of 'shall we go into uni?" and the 'You will never guess what he's done now!?!" chats. Thank god for FaceTime.
Whenever I have felt homesick or just general low over the last 3 months, it's been these girls that have successfully managed to pick me up again and my uni experience would have been very bland without them!
The reason I'm actually here
Oh yeah, the course! Well, I love it more every single week. It still never fails to amaze me how far I can be pushed creatively, and I love my seminar group as we all share our work and offer feedback on everyone else's. The english part of my degree (rather than the creative writing side) is equally as challenging though. It's really hit me in the lat month or so just how different university level is to A-Levels. We are learning for the sake of educating ourselves further, not to pass an exam, and it's such a refreshing way to learn. I've even found myself going out and voluntarily buying books for further reading because i find it so interesting. I don't know whether I would be able to handle university if I hated the course- it's my love of english that gets me out of bed in the mornings after all.
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